Amy Fox

Writer. Editor. Feminist knitting designer.

Amy goes to the Olympics: Part two

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Where we left off: I missed my alarm, got on a tube, and saw a game of handball. It’s probably easiest if you just read part one.

11.08am Just watching people act so energetic had worn me out completely, so I go to buy more coffee in the break between games. Unfortunately, so does everybody else, and there is only one coffee machine, desperately trying to feed our caffeine addictions. This is probably the worst-planned part of the entire day.

11.49am At half time of the second game, Brazil are beating Angola, but it is extremely close once again. I have decided by this point that my favourite thing about watching live handball is the song selection. This was one of the great things about the Opening Ceremony, and apparently a theme across London 2012. They play the line “These girls fall like dominoes” whenever more than one person falls over at once; “I get knocked down but I get up again” when the dominoes stand up and continue to play; “under pressure” for the penalty shots; “we will rock you” seemingly for just anything else.

Pretty sure this is not what the Big Pink had in mind.

12.07pm My stepmum leans across and tells us that she has just realised that the Olympic logo makes the numbers “2012” out of shapes, which is basically why we all love her.

12.47pm Brazil win, but only just. In a typically British fashion, the crowds had adopted Angola as the underdogs about halfway through, and cheered them almost to victory, so that in the end Brazil only won by three goals. This time it was well over a goal a minute.

1.08pm After leaving the Copper Box, we go to World Square and get food. The Thai green curry is pretty good.

1.41pm So is the orbit.

It’s so GIANT.

1.53pm As another example of just how bizarre the experience could be, at this point the speakers – currently playing my beloved and completely mental Nicki Minaj – are drowned out by one of the volunteers busking. I don’t know if it is her break, or if she has been hired specifically to add more of a street feel, but she is singing a song of which the only lyrics are: “Kids are gonna get their feet wet. You’ll be fine, you’ll be dandy” over and over again.

2.05pm I’m not saying it is related to the singing, which was quite good considering it made absolutely no sense, but then there is a downpour and even our umbrellas are not enough to save us.

2.10pm My stepmum and I hide in the ladies toilets, which could have been a lot worse. I mean, they are in a temporary building which is basically a shack, but we’ve all been to festival toilets, so I can’t really complain.

2.34pm We watch Ben Ainslie win GB a gold in sailing on the large screens at “Park Live”. Park Live is basically two giant screens back to back, surrounded by grassy hills so that as many visitors to the park as possible can watch all the sports they don’t have tickets to. This would be weird later, when we watch the cycling with the velodrome in sight.

2.45pm What is more important? Inherent suspicion of almost all displays of nationalistic pride, or free face stickers?

I mean, which did you think it was going to be?

2.59pm  Once we’ve walked around the park a few times, we start running out of things to do. There’s only so long that you can look at cool buildings while knowing that cool things are happening inside that you can’t see. So we finally give in and look around the merchandise shop.

It’s weird.

3.04pm Other attractions include a weird BP-branded building which is set up like another attraction. I don’t know what is in there, but people are queuing for it. I can only assume it is some kind of building full of PR stunts desperately hoping to distract from the fact that they caused one of the biggest environmental disasters in living memory.

We do not go inside.

3.12pm Far more exciting is seeing the Olympic village from a distance. They have all hung their country’s flag from the windows! It looks so fun!

3.30pm ICE CREAM.

3.56pm As if ice cream isn’t enough, the next volunteer busker we see is doing an acoustic Call Me Maybe, which is naturally a highlight of the day.

4.15pm We camp out at Park Live long enough to see Murray win the tennis, and a bunch of cycling. There are a lot of people sitting on the grass doing the same thing. So many that every time you move position slightly you end up in someone’s way and there is a chorus of tutting. And every time someone moves position in front of you and obscures the only part of Murray’s forehead you can see anyway, you become that chorus.

Incredible views at the Park Live experience.

5.56pm We have a train to catch, and we’ve been up and walking around since 7(ish) so we decide to head home.

6.06pm Walking through the gates, there are hundreds of signs saying “Take the fastest route to the City Centre: West Ham!” We begin to follow the signs for West Ham.

6.20pm A sign tells us there is still a 20 minute walk until we reach West Ham. I am reasonably sure that it is only the “fastest route” because you walk half the distance first.

6.40pm We finally get on the tube. I cry inside. Olympic athlete I am not.

9.45pm There are a lot of boring train things, including me reading Oscar Wilde because I’m pretentious, but the most important thing is that we are back in time for Bolt’s race, with five minutes to spare.

9.50pm BOLT!

10.15pm There is a Doctor who trailer on the BBC. I freak out.

10.25pm I watch about a bazillion episodes of Parks and Recrecreation before falling asleep. I only have one series to go. I will probably finish by the end of the week. I need to go back to Uni soon.

It is just the best you guys.

Photos by Geoff Adams. Other that one of Parks and Rec, which is by THE INTERNET.

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